R-e-s-p-e-c-t Works Both Ways!

by Barbara McRae, MCC

Author of Coach Your Teen to Success and Less Drama, More Fun

Respect matters! As parents, we want and deserve to be treated with respect. It's frustrating, even infuriating, when teens treat us disrespectfully! Yet, in order to have respect, we must first give it to ourselves. How would you rate the level of respect you have for yourself?

Take a mini personal inventory and check to see how well you are treating yourself. Do you put the needs of others before your own? Are you willing to ask for what you need? Do you even know how to ask? Is it difficult for you to identify or enforce your boundaries with your kids? Is your inner chatter encouraging and empowering? Know that you will gain respect from others when you first take good care of yourself.

When you respect yourself and demonstrate being respectful of others, you will model how to be respectful for your kids, making it easier for them to follow suit. Effective communication can only happen when each party has respect for the other. Respect doesn't mean that there must be agreement. It means that each person has the opportunity to openly share his or her point of view, to listen to the other's without always having to be right.

Teens are people, too! I know, sometimes this is hard to fathom. And teens, like most individuals, want you to respect their views. Disrespect implies that the other person doesn't matter. No one, whether parent or child, ought to be treated like they don't exist. Everyone deserves to be treated with high regard because as human beings we each have inherent value.

What do you value about yourself? If it’s difficult for you to answer this question, you first have some work to do on yourself, before you can upgrade the level of respect you are receiving.

What do you value about your teen? Make a list. Keep these good thoughts and feelings about your teen in mind, prior to any interaction. Then, you will begin noticing that you enjoy each other more.

You know you are making progress with respect when:

• You are warm, open, and engaging
• You share with your teen without speaking at him or her
• You are caring, but not overly concerned
• You treat your teen as a well-intentioned individual
• You are nonjudgmental when you believe your teen is mistaken
• You relate to teens as an equal—not superior or inferior
• You treat teens as if they’re practically adults, and coach them based on where they are right now.

Face it, we all want to be loved and respected for who we are. Practice asking yourself, "How could I be more respectful of myself and others?" Then, make the necessary adjustments.

Being respectful is synonymous with being kind. Anything less than that will inhibit having successful and satisfying relationships.

Barbara McRae, Master Certified Coach, Parent/Teen Expert, and Founder of www.teenfrontier.com, "A Neon Whispers ™ Company", is the bestselling author of Coach Your Teen to Success. Barbara coaches internationally, facilitates workshops, and has been featured in various media outlets, including radio, TV, national magazines, and newspapers.

© 2005 Barbara McRae, MCC.